Second draft of synopsis notes

Spelling and grammar errors.

• ‘The is a young man about the age of 18 or 19 standing at a bus stop, lazily puffing on his cigarette.’à ‘A young man, 18, is standing at a bus stop, puffing lazily on a cigarette.’
• ‘Wearing a pair of handsà Wearing a pair of headphones.’
• ‘…with his hands tucked away in his pockets is walking towards the bus stop.’à’…with his hands tucked away in his pockets walks to the stop. ‘
• The young boy sis down at the bus stop and shyly looks at the older boy. à The younger boy arrives at the stop and glances at the older boy as he sits down.
• The older boy recognises the song playing through the headphones, it turns out to be one of his favourite songs. à The older boy recognises the song playing. à WYSIWYG- what you see is what you get.  
• ‘He lifts a quick thumbs up and nods his head towards the younger teenager.’ à ‘The older boy lifts a quick thumbs up and nods his head towards the younger one.’           
• ‘Coming in from the other direction into the bus stop, comes another teenager…’ à ‘Another teenager, 17, arrives at the stop.’
• ‘He then looks up towards the older boy smoking a cigarette’. à ‘He then looks up towards the older boy smoking.’
• ‘A bus then comes in the stop.’ à ‘A bus comes’.
• ‘…and heads up on to the top deck of the bus’ à ‘..and heads up onto the top deck.’
• ‘The younger boy struggles around for change in his pocket before scraping 2 pounds together…’ à ‘The younger boy struggles around for change in his pocket scraping 2 pounds together…’
• ‘The group notice the boys music…’ à ‘The group notice the boy’s music…’
• ‘The older boy see’s the situation…’ à ‘The older boy sees the situation’.
• ‘…then after looks straight at the hoodie from the bus stop.’ à ‘…a moment later, looks straight at the Hoodie.’

Notes on overall plot and story  

·        Have more focus on Hoddie at beginning- show a use of parallel editing.

·        Turn the problem of the older boy (Metaller-refering to musical taste) into the Hoodie’s dilemma’.

·        Show a ‘bond’ or ‘connection’ between the Hoodie and the Metaller- Have the Metaller wearing a Chelsea scarf.

·        Have the Hoodie with a Chelsea tattoo.

·        Start a conversation between the two- about Chelsea’s current table placing, the manager etc- (queue research).

·        Main character didn’t have a strong enough sense of ‘Want/Need/Obligation’ à The response was to flesh out the story with more detail- building up characterisation.

·        This means more of a focus on costume and Mis En Scene in general.

·        Create more of an affinity between the Hoodie and the Metaller. 

·        Create more of a musical affinity between the younger boy and the Metallerà queue research into two genres of music: Skate and Metal, how they connect with each other.

·        Turn the protagonist into the Hoodie’s character.

·        More development into the whole story and the Hoodie’s POV.